Dear Sir/Madam
I represent X with respect to his/her family law matters. I understand you have recently embarked on an intimate relationship with X. I write to you at the request of X, to explain a little of what X is going through right now.
The Litigation
Family Litigation is a lot like war. Or, it can be like watching a man-made disaster unfold in front of you.
If X could achieve a negotiated settlement of all issues in the family break up, we would definitely be doing that instead of fighting in court. A settlement may still be possible. Until we get there, or until the court process is finished, X is going to be under inhuman levels of stress. X might not show it on the surface, but it’s happening.
The Kids
Their best interests trump everything else. Setting these children up for long-term success and happiness, despite their parents’ conflict, is the organizing principle of the entire litigation. X doesn’t even have an option of prioritizing you over the kids.
The Living Situation
X’s living situation is transitional. The dust may take some time to settle, and the family home may take some time to sell. Whether X is sleeping on a mattress on the floor of a rental, or holding the fort and working out which furnishings have to be packed up for the other party, home isn’t what it used to be and not yet what it’s going to be.
The Financial Situation
X’s financial situation is complicated, and currently under intense scrutiny. X doesn’t have a budget for romance right now.
Time Commitment
The litigation is going to consume a significant amount of X’s time. X’s employer may or may not be understanding of this, and that may mean that you get short-shifted. There are deadlines, and other urgent matters. X is paying me a lot of money, so you might find X dropping whatever you’re doing to answer my call. I demand that. I’m like a mistress, but way meaner.
Emotional Support
You may be holding X’s hand through all this, coming to my office to make sure X feels supported, and still you are going to be left in the waiting room or reception area when I need to advise X. Don’t be offended; this is for your protection and X’s.
Legal and Non-legal Advice
I may advise X to do something I consider necessary to advance X’s cause with the courts, such as attend counselling, or participate in programming, or some other thing that will make X less available to you in the short term. I expect X to follow my advice, and like I said, I’m mean.
Involvement as a Witness
I will try my best to keep you out of it, because it’s unreasonable to expect a new partner to get involved. It’s unreasonably stressful on a new partnership. But matters can turn on the simplest of facts, and for X’s sake I may end up having to ask you to attest to a fact within your unique knowledge. You have the right to say no. No questions asked.
Finally, I want to affirm what you probably already know better than I: X is a worthy human being, who deserves another chance at love and happiness.
X is just going through a very strange time in his/her life.
Sincerely,
X’s Family Law Lawyer